The Fear

I think the fear – sorry, The Fear – has finally hit me.

Last night we talked about how our due date is only 17 days away. (I originally wrote this on 19/06/2014) That’s not very long at all. This whole pregnancy, while I obviously understood that it was very real, seemed like something that was waaaaaaay in the future, and I’d almost become accustomed to Jenny being pregnant that I assumed she’d just always be walking around with the bump and that would be it.

But no, baby has to come out.

And he’s/she’s coming soon.

When I say the fear – sorry, The Fear - I don’t mean I’m terrified. Not all the time anyway. When I properly take the time to think about the impending birth and everything afterwards, I can be pragmatic and calm and I’m fine with it. It’s those moments where I’m caught unawares – when I’m sitting in work or driving home or writing an blog post – when a thought dawns on me all of a sudden and I get that feeling in the pit of my stomach, and sometimes I make an involuntary “Guhhhh” sound.

It feels like that moment when you’re just about to go over the big drop on a roller coaster, or the fear you feel when you worry that you’ve just got your head stuck in something. That momentary panic that’s gone as quickly as it arrived. I get that twenty times a day. I don’t know how my wife is able to get through the day, with a constant reminder (one that stops her from seeing her feet) that soon she’ll have to push this little bambino out. Of her body. Through her lady parts. Frankly, if I were her I’d be a wreck, curled up in the corner, ironically, in the foetal position. That she and all pregnant women throughout the ages haven’t is a testament to her, and your, strength. Women, you are awesome.

But the truth is its not real terror. I guess calling it the fear – sorry, The Fear – is a bit much. I mean, I am scared but it’s a happy scared. I’ll have a baby soon. We’ll have a baby soon. And that’s great.

‘Nervous apprehension’ would be a better term.

But the fear – sorry, The Fear – is catchier.